Hermetic, Magick

Intuition and Hermeticism

Back to that same video broadcast from the last post. I finally admitted that I have altered the LBRP so that it resonates more powerfully for me.

During the banishment part, I say “I banish from the sphere from self all negative thought, all negative action and all negative emotion.” It becomes a full cleansing, centering and grounding ritual at that point. The goal is not scare away the unpleasant, but rather to bring clarity to myself.

When David read that he seemed at first a little taken aback and then said that I had intuitively combined several different systems into a single ritual. He was impressed, at least that is my interpretation. *beams*

I’m thrilled to know that I can trust my intuition, but it got me thinking – why don’t I see more about developing intuition as I develop in my magickal practice?

Granted I’m still officially on the outside, so perhaps I just haven’t gotten there. That is entirely possible! That said, from this perspective, I see a great deal of reliance on external factors – from astrology to proper signs to full mental understanding. But mentation will never really access the power potential available. That comes from the heart. Now it could very well be “learn to crawl first” and “stop trying to run, we’re crawling now” – which would make a great deal of sense.

First we teach the formulae, then we’ll teach you how to bring them into the self and breath life into them. When they are breathing on their own, that’s when the mage has true power available. We can’t teach a newbie this – it’s like teaching an infant to push buttons which launch missiles.

But I have never gotten a hint of this approach. When I was working with a number of OTO magi, some of whom had been working for 60 years on this, I saw a lot of reliance on form, on the postures and the words, but not the soul of the ritual. Indeed one of the elders was so locked into this paradigm she literally could not hear me when I said that tropical astrology tracks the seasons, not the constellations. She saw the surface level, but could not see underneath to what was really going on.

Is that indicative of ceremonialists in general, or just the ones I’ve met? Is that why they are drawn there but I find the practice somewhat ill fitting? Where exactly does intuition fit into the schema of Hermeticism? Hrm. Something to look for as I go along.

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Magick, Personal Growth

Creativity, Sexuality and Birth of an Idea

Listening to a recent virtual temple broadcast with David Griffin and I think Lisa. They were having a session of question/answer so I asked a question. They asked me a follow-up. Her follow-up was asking what happened during the most recent ritual.

I relayed my experience with the LBRP (or as I call it, le burp) but I have long been frustrated with good vibration down to about my waist where it then stops. It never went further than this no matter how hard I tried. Lisa then commented that it was very common and was a symptom of being disconnected to my own sexual power.

Like a bolt from heaven, I looked around at the vendor booth I was manning that weekend while watching the broadcast on my phone, and suddenly realized “no wonder I’m having such problems birthing this business.” Creativity and sexuality are connected energies. Bringing something new into the world is pretty much a birth process. If I want to birth something, I have to tap the full range of power on this level – not just the “accepted” half!

I then realized that I could use the vibrational responsiveness of my lower body as a measuring stick for how well I’m doing at integrating those denied and repressed energies into my system.

Flash forward a few weeks, and my business is for some reason doing really well! Shit yea! More of this please! So during a pause while operating some equipment, I closed my eyes and silently did the LBRP.

For the first time ever, not only did my body vibrate just THINKING through the ritual, but my ENTIRE body vibrated. Below the waist down to feet and fingertips. Holy shit!

I’ve tested it numerous times. Perhaps the vibration was actually due to the equipment? But no, same thing no matter where or when provided I give the exercise my full focus.

I have to wonder how much of this is due to the work I’ve done on co-dependence. Both are concurrent and deal with similar types of ‘connecting with others’ energies. If I can’t connect with others, I can’t connect to myself either.

Part and parcel. All of these different things are part and parcel of the whole.

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Hall of Mirrors, Personal Growth

Owning the CoDependent

Co-Dependence. It’s defined on wiki-pedia as “a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.”

I personally think Ohotto’s usage/definition is better, though I haven’t heard him give a succinct definition per se. Let me attempt to paraphrase: co-dependence is an unhealthy “needing” of someone else in order to feel esteemed. Hrm. Let me try this: co-dependence is a state of personal emptiness in which another person is used to fill that emptiness. This emptiness can be loneliness, addiction, avoidance, etc.

Before I got married, we talked at length about wanting to be with someone as opposed to NEEDING to be with someone. I am an independent person. I have my passions and interests, and I fully expect my partner to have their own. I also expect we’ll share some, and I’ll be happy to hear about his passions as he’s happy to hear about mine. But I am myself a complete and whole person. I am not “another half” or in any way an incomplete entity. I have my opinions, though I’ll consult as needed and decide to heed what is offered or not.

Until I started taking an inventory of my relationship patterns, I never really realized that the majority (not all!) have been in some form or other with a co-dependent person. If I don’t have that archetype active within myself, why then am I attracting so many of them to me? Here is a Hall of Mirrors hit – what I see in others, I have to own in myself. Damn. So, if I own this, what is going on?

After carefully sorting through the relationships to see the sub-patterns, I realized that in most cases I saw myself as the dominant parter. Now by dominant I don’t actually mean controlling – I mean dominant by letting someone else glom onto me and give me all their shit so they feel obligated or indebted to me in some way. I’ve made them need ME while telling myself that as long as they need me more than I need them, it’s all good.

*hangs head and sighs*

And these kinds of realizations are why so few people actually honestly pursue self-development. It fucking sucks to see this type of thing, but at the same time, I’d rather see it and start to improve it than continue to live blindly within an ever more exaggerated form of the pattern until I have no choice but to see it.

I have a saying about dreams – “if I listen to the whispers, I won’t have to hear the screaming.” Dreams are often messages from the various layers of self to other layers. They usually start like “please get milk on your way home” and if that gets ignored for years then it turns into something really unpleasant that I brought on myself for failing to heed the initial messages.

Behavioral patterns are the same way. Don’t recognize them when they are little, and the next go round is pattern X2, then pattern X4, until eventually it’s a 2×4 to the head.

So if I’ve been choosing relationships that are one-sided like this, there’s an intimacy issue as well. That’s a “well, duh” statement since I’ve known that one for a long time; I just never saw it as connected to this pattern before. I’ve talked before somewhere about this being an expression of a refusal to be vulnerable, a refusal to trust enough to bare the metaphorical underbelly. It would make sense that if I feel like the controlling partner, then I’m safe from vulnerability. huh. Yeah, that makes sense.

What do I about this? Do I WANT to fix it? That’s a question not often asked. Do I WANT to fix this? I mean, honestly. Do I actually, deep down, really want to fix this or am I saying “yes” because I think I “should.”

Here’s a tip folks: the moment “should” enters the sentence is the moment you realize you don’t really want to do something. Not really. If the desire is a mental “should”, there’s no power here and nothing will change.

In this case, there is no ‘should’ in my answer. I look at my relationship empty life and want something different. I want to have real friends, those I can hang with, can call on for help and who call on me for help; people who know me, and like me anyway, and whom I know, and like anyway; people who actually *want* to spend time with me because I’m cool like that; and people I actually *want* to spend time with because they are cool like that.

So how do I get this? What specifically needs to change? For me, the big one is independence. The moment I start to betray myself on this score is the moment that I know I’m starting to slide off to the side of centered. If I’m centered, then the pattern isn’t there – it’s a pattern that emerges when I’m not centered! It’s a means of gaining power as an attempt to correct this off-centeredness without ever actually addressing the true source. Interesting! Now that I can use.

But this off-centeredness includes both me taking advantage of others without fair trade, and vice versa. I keep trying to ‘bribe’ people to be friends with me by offering the use of my sewing room, or hot tub, or something. This isn’t friendship. It’s enabling, and self-destructive. It’s needy.

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So I need to really pay attention to this because it’s my first clue, and it’s my biggest as well. The moment I start to betray this is the moment that I start to spiral into depression. When I’m “being taken care of” so that I have no real worries or drive to succeed or improve, that’s when I’m so lost and wrecked self-esteem wise that it’s really hard to convey it accurately. I’m changing my current internal imbalance but interestingly, I’m doing that differently than I have in the past. Before it was a nuke and pave concept. Now I’m reframing it. Looking at it differently.

So yeah. I’m done with co-dependence. Interdependence, bring it on – that’s healthy. But I need to be myself, and only me.

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Earth, Hermetic, Personal Growth

Fleshing Out Earth First

I reviewed the audio notes on Earth that I took when I was driving to San Francisco. Wow. I was totally in the zone. Heh. I haven’t touched on a fraction of what I rambled on. So let me revisit the question: Why Earth first?

I touched a wee smidge on it during this post here, but I think the bigger reasons are these three:

Consequence
Boundaries
Capacity

Those are the big three which must really be understood and mastered before moving on EFFECTIVELY. Sure you can get the gist of it and move on, but until these three are actually mastered then effectiveness is lacking. And I know a boat ton of magicians who are entirely ineffective.

Click here to listen to the 8 min audio where I originally talked through these concepts. I’m really sorry but the trial version of the audio editing software added a really annoying voice over every few seconds and I am WAY too cheap to pay $60 for the non-trial version just to get rid of it for this post.

Consequences. In the post I cited, I talked about response times and that earth has comparatively slow response times when compared with the other elements. What working with slower response times affords the opportunity to master is consequences of actions taken. Earth does not give a rip WHY something is done, just that it WAS gone. In architecture, the building either stands or it falls. Excuses won’t prop it up.  With the victim mentality we’ve totally got going on right now, everything is being excused as if this somehow negates the consequences. Wrong. I think this is why Earth is likewise disliked by spiritualists — results matter (matter, heh), intention means nothing. In the analogy I was spoke about, skipping this part in favor of the “cooler” stuff is like teaching someone to launch nuclear weapons without teaching them the consequences of their actions. When it comes to earth, it is the king of consequences. You get pretty much exactly what you deserve based on what you chose to act on.

Boundaries. Egad, the importance of this cannot be understated. Without boundaries, effectiveness is non-existent. It’s like trying to sculpt with water – an exercise in futility if ever there was one. In order to sculpt with it, it has hold it’s shape and that’s where boundaries come in. My own boundaries are shit, so my own effectiveness is severely limited due to this. Knowing this, it’s what I’m most actively working on.

Capacity. By going through the work of this dense element, I am learning how to handle the higher voltage that I’m reaching for. Imagine we are born in the range of 20 to 40 watt light bulbs, but what we are striving to work with is 60 to 120 watt levels of energy. If you’ve ever run 120 watts through a 20 watt bulb, you know exactly what the consequences are!

So these three are the big triumvirate which should result from working with Earth if you’re on one of the typical Western Mystery Tradition paths.

Caveat: I’m not yet an initiate. This all comes from years of self-guided study, more reading sources than I can name and intuition.

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Astrology, Earth, Personal Growth

Earth School and Communication

I tend to have a different perspective on things. I have no idea why, but I do know that perhaps the only person who has easily come to similar types of conclusions that I do is actually the spiritual guide Robert Ohotto – whom I adore and can’t say enough good things about. The number of times he’s said something that I responded to with a “thank GOD someone else sees that” or “oh, yeah, I forgot, thanks for the reminder” is actually too numerous to count. That said, there’s plenty of times he’s come out with something that has me reeling because I hadn’t thought of it that way, or at all.

Every now and again, he’ll say something that I feel slightly differently than. This post is going to be the explanation of one such thing. Oh yes, and everything I mention will be wildly generalized with regards to timeline.

The scenario: Listening to Ohotto’s “Saturn in Sagittarius” series. Brilliant, by the way. Go get it if you’re serious about any sort of spiritual or personal growth. Task 3, I think, is getting rid of the distractions. Specifically, he’s targeting social media as a source of distraction which we use to deflect attention away from what we should be working on.

Social media as a distraction. Hell, yes, it is. But guess what? It’s a seriously stepped up training ground, is what it is. Being a student of human history, I see things that most don’t. I look at timelines that are hundreds and sometimes even thousands of years long. As a society, “western culture” has been marching slowly toward the very real fact that “all is one”. Not like a Borg “all is one, resistance is futile” but more of a cohesive unit made up many different parts … like a body.

The internet as a whole is the latest incarnation of speeding up communication to more closely mimic the speed of thought. This process began with the introduction of the printing press. Suddenly now books could be produced at speeds before unheard of. Flash forward a few centuries and newspapers slowly began to develop. Another century, now add a more reliable mail system. Each of these steps is about evolving the ability to communicate over more distance with greater speed and reliability. Well now we need public schools, because how can you join in this without knowing how to read/write?? Then comes the telegraph, the telephone, radio, TV … The internet. Blogging, which gave birth to social media.

Now anyone can write whatever they want and put it out there. Immediately. No filters. No oversight. Just … BAM. There it is. Each of the steps listed above has made the world just a hair smaller, until the internet means I can communicate real time with someone on the other side of the world. That’s staggering.

Ohotto has a phrase that I love – Earth School. Perfect. I’m so swiping that.

By and large, I’m not really a fan of channeled works (yes, this relates. bear with me) with the notable exception of Seth. That one blew me away. Literally. While reading that set of books I had THE most profound, amazing, awe inspiring, humbling dreams ever. From having multi-dimensional beings composed of light and dark giving me one-on-one lessons to having a download about the story behind Genesis. Holy crap! I still adore Seth, but he’s definitely not for the faint of heart or even the average spiritualist. 99% of the people I hear trying to pull from Seth sound like that song by Crash Test Dummies. Where the people are sitting down to a picnic with God, GOD, and ask if they need to get their hair cut in heaven. *doh!* Not saying I get every thing he talks about, but still. So anyway, one of the statements that Seth made which really resonated as Truth to me is that part of the lesson of Earth School is to learn how to manage the power of our thoughts.

Imagine if everything single thing you thought, no matter how silly, dangerous, innocuous or fun, happened immediately … if there was no barrier with thought and reality. In short, Earth School is like a set of training wheels when it comes to learning how to manage this ability. The density is a requirement, slowing down the chain of manifestation to that which is actually intentionally acted on and worked toward – thank you Saturn!

So back to social media. We’ve had about 6 centuries of speeding up communication to the point of now instantaneous, globe encompassing capacity to speak to each other, thoughts are now being traded at a phenomenally rapid rate. But right now, it’s largely just communication. While our ability to travel has also increased rapidly since horses became common (they weren’t common to the average farmer class until about 3 centuries ago, give or take), we still have the lag required to get on a plane and travel somewhere. Granted, some people have access to buttons which can “send a message” of an explosive sort immediately, but not the average person. I can’t hear something someone said, teleport to them to punch them in the face or give them a hug. Nope, there’s still some lag there. Thank god! *shudders at the thought of teleportation right now*

So we have all this in the mish-mash of what I see. I also see that humans are actually telepathic by nature, and that Earth School is doing a mighty fine job of putting a nicely dense layer of insulation between me and the rest of the world. But if I’m here to learn how to manage my own thoughts and the power related thereto, then I also need to learn to deal with you and your thoughts. Human history has hundreds of thousands of years of that particular aspect to pull from, so it’s time to step it up.

And this is where social media comes into play. I now have the training opportunity to learn how to manage what flows in to my psychic field. Again, Earth School style – where the denser element of this reality means that I’m fortunately NOT simultaneous bombarded by every one’s reality in addition pictures of their dinner. So I get to manage not only what I post, to whom and how often, I also have to learn to filter that which is flowing through my various feeds. It’s literally telepathy with training wheels! Brilliant!!!

Do I think social media is a distraction? Oh heck yes. I spend far too many hours playing around on FaceBook, if for no other reason then to feel a little less alone in this crowded, noisy world. Of course, I also reach for FaceBook and literally think “entertain me”, so yes, it’s a distraction. But like all forms of play, it’s a distraction that serves the greater purpose. And that greater purpose is something that  has been unfolding for centuries, eons even, in a slow, Earth School march that we all agreed to partake in.

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