Emotions, Personal Growth

Emotional Ignorance

Today’s Car Ride Rant yielded a lovely gem:

Emotional ignorance is why emotions make people weak.

See we in this culture have a seriously TRAGIC relationship with emotions and emotionality. Emotions have been deemed “weak” and relegated to the realm of women, who then have to process it all for men in addition to themselves (that’s another post I need to do). Well, except for anger – that’s the one emotion men are allowed to keep. Unfortunately, this means that “when all you have is hammer, every problem looks like a nail” becomes entirely too true.

This deficit on both sides of the emotional divide is actually what is crippling – not the emotions in and of themselves.

What I mean by this is that without emotional intelligence, without emotional education, without the ability to work WITH our own emotional state on a conscious and active level, then emotions do indeed become our enemy. Unfortunately for that short-sighted “emotions make you weak” mindset, emotions are at the core of what it means to be a mammal – and all the “human” stuff is built on top of this.

So by culturally choosing to remain ignorant of the power and effect and reality of our OWN emotions, they get cast aside and then when they finally do overpower the guard trying to keep them “manageable” and then run rampant in our system … yes. That’s crippling.

But I’ve been spending an increasing amount of time in the company of people who are emotionally intelligent, emotionally whole, and unabashedly fine with owning their own emotions. And guess what? They stop being held hostage by those emotions! In fact, those emotions then become the bedrock which keeps everything stable and aligned, allowing for a more effective individual. What a difference!!

I’ve LONG said that when it comes to dreaming, “if I listen to the whispers, I won’t have to hear the screaming.” Well, it’s not surprising at all to recognize this applies to our emotions as well.

Emotional intelligence is, I’m starting to discover, a far greater tool and ally than I imagined possible.

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Archetypes, Personal Growth, Spirituality

This Is a Spew

Something that I stumbled into is the idea of familial wounding – and of course it was presented by my fav teacher Robert Ohotto. It was almost immediately after hearing of this concept that I ran afoul of it, or rather recognized its operation within my system.

The idea is that children psychically inherit the wounds of their forebears until those wounds are actually managed. When I hear ‘psychic DNA’ I’m picturing a sort of energetic stew pot that all children spend their early years in – now recall that young, teeny kids no older than toddlers don’t really recognize yet they are NOT their parents. It’s not until a kid reaches the age of MINE! that they begin to really formulate this concept. Until then, they are a sponge absorbing everything in their environment and working double time to make sure they fit in so they will survive. So here are toddlers in the emotional energetic stew pot that is their family, then they ‘graduate’ to TV, school, and so on. At each level, the stew pot gets bigger and more ingredients are thrown in.

Alas, some ingredients are toxic, and some are just really harmful. In my experience, it takes to around the age of 30ish before the sense of self is strong enough to actually consciously confront these and actively decide what to do with them. Until, we are living out what we have been raised within and don’t really think about it too much.

In my case, it wasn’t really a conscious awareness of needing to break a pattern, but I moved from the East Coast to the West Coast in order to break a family pattern that I did not want active in my system. That meant having to leave my family behind. All of them. Of course I didn’t abandon them, I still visit and talk but I HAD to get away if I had any chance at breaking this entrenched pattern. And it wasn’t until Ohotto said those words that conscious recognition flooded the system. Like his words broke a dam or something. This first level that I was dealing with was health. Being female, my family very strongly had the notion that it’s romantic to be sickly and weak so a man can be all manly and take care of me. *blink*blink* I had a friend who’s man literally refused to get her heart meds so that she’d get sick and he could play the hero by taking care of her. No, thank you!! Being weak, injured or sickly is also the key to love, because someone has to take care of you. I used to sit and listen to my mother and grandmother literally try to out-compete each other on the “I’m so sick” scale. Holy shit! I finally said to my mom “You guys can compete for who’s the most pathetic, I’ll be over here.” My mother was, not surprisingly, shocked and deeply wounded by this attitude because it invalidated a lifetime of unconscious injury which has led to some serious chronic conditions she has to face now. Again, NO PART OF THAT. I’m sure all this is somewhere or other in this blog already, so I won’t rehash it too much beyond this.

But in the midst of trying to consciously bring all this up and identify where certain parts where active and where they weren’t etc, I ran afoul of another one. Religion.

There’s a question of “how do you identify a familial wound versus a personal one?” Well, that’s pretty much “have you experienced the wound personally?” In my case, I would literally RAGE against organized religion. I had NOTHING good to say about it and what it offered. As far as I was concerned, codified religion was the source of all evil and abuses in this world and it should be eradicated. … Woah, that’s some serious hatin’ and what in my personal life could have possibly given me that much venom? Nothing. My own parents are largely non-religious. Other than “be good to each other” that’s about it. So where was this rage and poison coming from? After talking to family members, I found out real quick that religion has been used as a weapon across multiple generations in my family on all sides in all branches (I’m the genealogist, I got the skinny on this one) and it’s because of this pain and deliberate injury that my parents said “thanks but no thanks” … so processing this wound came down to me.

Oh goodie. That’s 2 family wounds. Oh wait, there’s more. This one was gender based. Now the women in my family are strong, and I don’t mean “will beat you up” but more like “nothing can stop them when they decide to do something”. I got that one. I will smile and nod, pretend to acquiesce to whatever smack is being laid down, and then do whatever I want anyway. My mom, my grandmothers, my great grandmothers. Hell, one great-grandmother successfully raised 3 young children through the Depression years after her deadbeat husband abandoned her. That’s tough. That’s strength right there. And the women in my family have it in spades. So yeah, it really rankled them generation after generation to be told hateful, untrue lies in an effort to preserve a false Social Order, using religion as the bludgeoning device to justify the crap.

Now this is where it segues for me into something much larger – cultural wounding. These are psychic wounds that every person who’s plugged into the culture has to navigate. I once went on a diatribe about the psychic wounds of the Southern ego (especially the Southern Male ego) and through this, I could absolutely understand everything about the rage I’m seeing in my own sub-culture right now. It’s multiple generations of wounding and unprocessed pain from the Civil War. Now there’s PLENTY of unprocessed rage and pain to go around on all sides there in the South, and everyone’s pain is valid in terms of “you have a right to feel the way you do”. But I know that I have a duty to help process it — to lance the festering boil and let the poison out of the system (psyche) so that real healing can actually begin. I think that’s exactly what we’re seeing now — the pustule is near to bursting and it must if we are to move forward. That means seeing it, recognizing it, accepting it’s there, and then dealing with it. Right now it’s unconscious, and therefore reactive.

But the cultural wound that I personally seem to keep coming back to, keep having downloads about is the gender one. Back to my personal story of introduction. I can’t remember exactly what precipitated it, but I was attempting to recognize and process the sheer amount of gender based rage and shame and pain and it was literally making me upset to my stomach and my entire body started to ache. I was thinking it was family only, and when I suddenly realized that what I had tapped into was so much more vast than just my own family that I literally had to vomit. I did vomit until I was dry heaving, and kept trying to vomit. To get it out. As I’m kneeling over the toilet, convulsing to throw up, I’m just marveling that this isn’t just mine, and I can’t try to carry it. I have to let it flow through my system – see it, recognize it, acknowledge it, LET IT GO. It’s too much. It will kill me, and indeed it is killing many women. Why do you think we have such issues with breast cancer?

But the more I work with this idea, this cultural wound, the more I’m seeing how men have also been deeply wounded by the flip side of the coin. That’s a new thought for me. Until recently as far as I was concerned it was as black/white as the religion question, and it’s NOT that simple. There are no “bad people” to blame. What there is is literally THOUSANDS of years of pain, rage, sorrow, shame, grief, and resentment to be acknowledged, and it’s on all sides of the gender equation.

I had a download just last night about the relationship between marriage and the prostitute archetype. What is marriage but a culturally instituted and supported selling of sexual services and fertility to a single john in exchange for money, protection, food and shelter? What’s prostitution if not the same thing but getting rid of the single john and add in a whole mess load of shame, especially on any children who might result. I actually used to discuss this very topic with people when I was in my teens, and I forgot all about it. Being female, I only saw the woman’s side and of course railed against it.

Dowry? Don’t you mean “price tag”? Well at least calling it the “bride price” is a bit more honest about what’s really going on.

What I never saw until recently was just how much men have suffered as well. Putting the entire onus for providing onto his shoulders is a heavy burden, especially when she decides she’s owed that provision. All this does is engender (hah!) resentment on both sides since that decision she’s made is actually a manifestation of resentment. Hell the stories I’m hearing about getting wives to set themselves on fire and other such evils which are coming to my attention from the middle east chill my soul, and it’s thousands of years of resentment and rage at being tasked with something that is not … right. Just as the reason so many women are angry at men and lashing out REACTIVELY is the same one – thousands of years of resentment and rage. There’s plenty to go around! And for every “he did” there is a “she did”. Men tend to respond more physically violently, which a gander at the homicide rates of women killed by the men in their lives should give any sane person nightmares. But women tend to respond more underhandedly, manipulatively, heck — crazily.

Overall, what I want to see with regard to this is more response, less reaction.

The women going into the Texas Assembly dressed in the Handmaid’s Tale cloaks? *groan* I understand the point and agree with it, but this sort of thing is a classic reaction — not a response. The emotional imprint this carried was anger, self-righteousness, indignation, blame. Do any of these invite the opposing side to actually listen? No, they do not. Instead, these emotions being brought to the table evoke only the defensive ones in reaction. They escalate the situation of divisiveness and let’s face it, men are generally more aggressive. They have no problem punching someone in the face to make them shut the hell up. Women don’t do that by that large. Is it in my best interest to provoke an extreme reaction such as passing a “lie to pregnant women” law because are females are really human anyway, or provoke a thoughtful conversation on what’s behind these attitudes? Dude, in conversation, women rule. Talk ladies, talk. And that means being conscious of what’s going on … not just theatrically reacting.

Oh there are so MANY juicy things to tackle here!! Like the division of emotionality. Somewhere along the lines, it was culturally decided women were the emotional ones. So when women get emotional, men roll their eyes and if we’re lucky they stay to comfort. But this means that culturally men aren’t allowed to feel. Men are robbed of this fundamental aspect of being human, and the responsibility for processing their emotions falls to the women in their life. This completely limits the men who fall into this trap, stunting them and cutting them off at the knees in terms of the range of human experience which is open to them.

There’s a scene in Downton Abby that absolutely encapsulated this BEAUTIFULLY. It’s so stereotypical, it plays out over and over and over again in all of the cultures which adhere to this damaging and wrong paradigm.

I would link to a scene of it, but I can’t find it. A maid has given birth to an illegitimate  son of a man who died in WWI. The grandparents are invited to lunch and are surprised with a live toddler grandson from their now-dead son. If you can watch this scene from the perspective of who is free to process emotions and who is not, it becomes a fascinating thing and very well written and acted. The grandfather is enraged, which is the only allowable strong emotion for men, while the grandmother is caught trying placate his anger, placate the people they are visiting, and her manage own desire to just snatch up the only possible vestige of her son – especially when the angry husband is refusing to do so. In the end, he storms out and she’s left to apologize for him before she scurries out after him with a look of intense longing openly on her face as she looks as the baby.

Classic!! And oh so painful to watch from the perspective of seeing a devastatingly broken paradigm being played out. Even the WORD hysterical, which is used to reference a state of being essentially overcome with uncontrollable emotion, literally means “of the womb”. Hello!!

I could go on, and I’ll admit I’m getting excited thinking about this right now, but it’s late and I don’t have the stamina to corral this material right now. I’ll probably break all this down into smaller bite sized chunks later on, but it’s been rattling around in my brain and I have to spew to get at least some of it down. And there’s soooo much more!! You’ll see this again when I have more time to explore the pieces in depth, but know that right now … energetically speaking, we are ALL being asked to lance the festering boils of cultural wounds. We can do this by tackling the issues head on, thoughtfully. How? Feel for those areas where strong emotions want to take over and highjack the system. These are the pressure points that you are plugged into, and these must be handled carefully. Everyone will be plugged into different things – I’m plugged into gender wounds right now, others into race, yet others into religion, etc. But know that not everyone is capable of handling the higher level more abstract archetypal shit. That’s OK. Handle your own shit. Own it, and RESPOND. The goal is to bring people to the table so we can work on a solution together, not drive everyone away. In these deep cultural wounds, no one is right, and no one is wrong. We’re all just hurting. Have compassion for this, and choose to respond.

 

 

About the Featured Image: Found it on a Harry Potter fan site here and then modified it a little bit with new text.

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Hall of Mirrors, Personal Growth

Responding and Reacting

As those of you who’ve actually followed this blog know, I am a HUGE fan of Robert Ohotto. In his latest release “Jupiter/Venus Retrograde“, he spoke a little bit about responding (conscious choice) versus reacting (unconscious pattern following).

What a beautiful way of putting it!

I’ve spoken a bit about this with my Hall of Mirrors, about the different ways I act when projections are triggered. Anytime there is a strong emotional reaction (REACT) my training has taught me that I’m dealing with subconscious patterns and I really need to pay attention. It’s a waving red flag and learning how to recognize and work with, from and within these emotional states is essentially step one in my Hall of Mirrors training.

I will speak for myself here. When I react, it’s completely without conscious thought. I am following patterns and established pathways of behavior because they are easiest. Like the tires of a car falling into the deep ruts on a muddy road – for those who’ve actually driven on roads like that. Those deep ruts essentially trap the tires, and trying to get out of traveling in this established path is not easy and requires a great deal of active effort and perhaps some luck. But now I know the FEELING of reaction. I know what that feels like in my system.

But knowing what this feels and therefore looks like also means that I can now see when others are reacting as well. It’s been very helpful to cut down and almost eliminate taking things personally that have nothing to do with me, but I haven’t mastered the Crucial Conversations skills of how to engage these in constructive ways … yet. But what I was missing is that some people choose to do this *deliberately*. They use these impassioned, knee-jerk reactions as weapons, to knock an opponent off their center and then trample them underfoot.

It was actually just yesterday when I watched someone use this technique on me which made me  realize that for some abusive people, this type of reaction is not at all unconscious. Now I talk all tough, but I’m a damn marshmallow and have entirely too many footprints on my back where jerks wipe their feet … and I let them. It’s an aspect of me that I loathe, but there it is, in all it’s ‘compassionate’ glory. And this person yesterday is perhaps the single biggest offender in the dirty-soles department (heh). I’m slowly clueing in as to just how manipulative and deliberate this individual is with regards to how they use their temper as a weapon to ensure everybody around them remains manageable. At this point, I don’t give a shit what the background and excuses are for the whys, this behavior is NOT cool. And I’m allowing it to continue. *wags finger at self*

So yesterday this individual starts attacking, using techniques that I have often fallen for in the past. This time, I’m watching her, listening to her, acknowledging she has a point but also actually put forth my own point (!!) and then I apologize for misinterpreting the situation, give her a hug, and go about the rest of my day. This time, I’m choosing not to respond with my typical catering to the simmering passive-aggressive smile-with-narrowed-eyes BS, hoping for forgiveness. Stuff that! I’m choosing instead to not be controlled by this tactic … but in a non-confrontational way. Getting all up in there will only further destabilize me, and *that* would be me reacting. Instead, I’m choosing to respond by thinking about my options and selecting one that is in keeping with my character and doesn’t terribly betray my energy system. This was also the first time that I recognized what was happening in nearly real-time. Very happy with that, it means progress!

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Personal Growth, Rant, Uncategorized

Using Telepathy Instead of Words

Have you ever been in a situation where you told someone something would be ok when you knew as the words were coming out of your mouth that indeed it would NOT be ok?

How about heard or even said the words: “You should have just known!” or the dreaded “If you really loved me, you would have known that already.” Or the ever funny “I shouldn’t have HAD to tell you I wouldn’t like X.”

Yeeeeaaaaah.

Personally, these words have never crossed my mind with any degree of earnestness but I have known people who use them like freakin’ hand grenades. I’ve also never been on the receiving end because guys are generally pretty up front with “yeah, not cool with that” rather than the passive-aggressive approach employed by some women I’ve known. (Granted, I’m SURE there are plenty of men who use this tactic so don’t get knackered, I just haven’t encountered them.)

I was reading a blog post and the writer said something akin to this:

Sure, I said “okay” at the time, but what I really hoped for was that you would telepathically divine my thoughts and instead of saying “good, I’ll do that” you would actually say: “hrm, I’m getting the sense that you’re not really okay with this. So I’m gonna do something to fix that part that I have magically determined that you’re not okay with. Then I’ll just deal with it for you so you won’t have to say or do anything uncomfortable.”

Just reading this sparked this entire little post because I could literally hear the real statement from these words and I wanted to put it out there.

See, this passive-aggressive thought process goes back to the previous post I did on responsibility for our own happiness and about being a whole, independent, autonomous person. Now let me take those words above and put them into my language. This is what I hear being said by the subconscious mind behind the words being given:

“I don’t want to own that I have a problem with whatever this is, so I’m going to silently and without warning give the onus of not only perceiving that I have a problem but also the resolution for this problem over to you, so that I don’t have to deal with it. And when you fail, because you can’t read my mind and so you will, then I’ll get to punish you for failing to magically notice that I lied to you to your face and you were stupid enough to actually trust me. This way, I get to maintain the power dynamic in our relationship because after I get upset then you will go into ‘solve the problem’ mode and come to my rescue.”

Yeah. Really not a fan of this. If I have a problem with something and then say “sure” … the problem is fucking MINE and I will damn well deal with the aftermath. It doesn’t get trotted out later, because I SAID sure. No take backs. Be an adult here. This whole “you should have known” bullshit is just that. BULLSHIT. And it’s a deliberate emotional manipulation tactic of the lowest order. Maybe not conscious, but deliberate. Call people on that shit!

My husband’s ex-wife apparently loved to do this to him. So much so that it’s a joke for us. But I told him if I EVER did that to him, his response needs to be “And if you loved me, you would have had the courage to talk about this issue before it happened.” Like I said, call people on that shit. Doesn’t need to be nasty, but it does need to be clear so that “I see what you are trying to do, and it’s not going to work” gets conveyed.

 

 

About the Featured Image: I found it on Pinterest but I don’t know the source. If you know it, let me know and I’ll cite it. It’s a scene from “Star Ship Troopers” where the queen bug injects a probe into the brain of the captive and sucks his skull hollow. This is pretty much what I imagine the emotional impact of that “you should have known” statement has on the recipient of it.

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Personal Growth

You do not complete me.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m an AVID reader of romance novels. Especially the truly … steamy ones, and most especially the hot paranormal ones.

There is a theme running through them which has begun to really irk me. It took me a while to identify it specifically, but once I did I found it everywhere. Pervasive to the point that the entire plot of modern romance novels revolves around it. I look around at real life and am not too surprised to see that same idea everywhere around me.

What idea is that?

The “you complete me” bullshit.

Yup, I said bullshit. That is bullshit. I told my husband way back when we were still dating that I am a whole and complete person unto myself. I expect to partner with a whole and complete person as well. This means my partner has their interests, and I have mine, and we have shared interests. Not “our” … SHARED. As in “we both like the same thing” independently of the other person. I would STILL go to those movies, that exhibition, that restaurant whether I’m with him or someone else or by myself.

While he agreed in theory, I don’t think he really understood what this meant. It means that I remain an autonomous individual, who will go and do my thing and expect him to go and do his thing as well. We share a life because we shared values, vision, direction, goals and interests.

Why do I object to this pervasive romantic notion? Because it implies that I NEED the other person in order to function. I don’t. And they don’t NEEEEEEED me either. I am with the people I am because I WANT to be, not because I HAVE to be.

How can I be the only person who is squicked out by this? Who thinks this is unhealthy? I am NOT responsible for your happiness, and you are NOT responsible for mine. A boyfriend once told me he didn’t ever want to get married because he didn’t want to be responsible for making his wife happy. I was completely baffled by the very idea – thinking “nooooo, she has to make herself happy. I don’t even understand where you’re coming from on this.” Apparantly, I’m the defective one here because the more I talk to people … the more I realise that particular false, misleading and PAINFUL idea is everywhere.

Now I’m human, of course, and despite this pronouncement and understanding there are times when I fall off my high horse and land in the mud. Just like everyone else. When I forget this idea, when my personal boundaries blur to the point where I can’t see me anymore, then I get in trouble — because having healthy boundaries is fundamental to being a healthy adult.

Those folks in relationships where another person is seen as a literal extension or completion of themselves, that’s called co-dependence. Their interests become mine, and mine get lost. My time becomes theirs, and I get lost. My space becomes ours, and the anchors of identity start to sheer away. I have learned the hard way that my emotional response to this is to become deeply depressed – my own body’s desperate warning that I’m loosing vast amounts of personal power and energy. It’s a warning that I need to sit up and pay some freaking attention, to take care of my shit because something’s wrong. Very, very wrong.

I’ve been watching a couple of friends of mine for a few years now, and I’ve absolutely seen them sink into a no-holds-barred co-dependent relationship. She NEEDS him, convinced she won’t survive this big bad world without him to protect her, provide for her, make her happy, solve all her problems. And he NEEDS her, convinced she’s the only one who truly appreciates him, be rescued by him, validate him, listen to him. When they broke up for a little while, she totally changed everything about herself to suit her new man. Ev-ery-thing! And the old man, my friend? He fell apart, an absolute wreck who had no idea how to go on because his validation as a man, as a human even, was absent. They got back together, and he’s even more entrenched than before – adopting all of her outlooks and interests as well. She reverted back to her looks/words/interests that all were initially his which she adopted so that they can do everything together. And they are together ALL THE TIME. What is ironic as hell to me is that he constantly complains about feeling trapped. I’m silently raising an eyebrow at him as if to say “Ya think?”

I suppose that works. *scratches head* But it leaves me feeling a little … sorry for both of them. Their sense of self now literally rests on the other person – on this other person’s idea of who they are. And as a result of this dependence, I am watching some ugly emotional manipulation taking place because what is at stake is literally nothing less than an entire identity and sense of self.

That’s not small. And there’s not a damn thing I can say to snap either friend out of this destructive pattern they are happily embracing.

So, you do not complete me. I am not your ‘other half’. We are not two parts of one whole. I am a whole and complete person unto myself. As such, I am responsible for my own happiness, for my own sense of purpose, for my own well-being, my own journey — just as you are responsible for yours. I will not shirk that responsibility onto the shoulders of another, I will carry it myself as intended.

I can help you with yours when you need a hand up, and do so happily. My friends, lovers, partners are the ones I rely on to help me stay centered and moving, and sometimes I falter. And that’s ok too. I will recover. I know the same is true others. It’s my responsibility to bear, and that means being responsible enough – and strong enough – to say “dude, I need your help”.

I cannot help anyone else if I am not capable enough to do this core aspect of what it means to be an individual. I will accept only whole and complete people in my life on a regular basis.  Because I don’t NEED you – I WANT you. And that’s a muuuuuch bigger statement.

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Uncategorized

*singsong* Missed Connections

It’s funny the things we remember.
I’ll never know his name, but he’s a favorite memory. It was an SCA Collegium sometime in the early 1990s at Appalachia College in Boone, NC. One of the classes was on some military campaign using cannons – or at least that’s what I remember of it. Now normally I don’t give a fig about this topic, but it was the most interesting one in that time slot. I could either go to a class or wander around, and I opted to go to the class.
The fellow teaching the class was, ironically, dressed as a monk. Bonus he was CUTE, but apart from that he made the presentation very interesting. I was surprised how interesting it was. I was paying attention as I would in any class – watching the teacher directly and absorbing the information. I remember about 10 minutes into the class he was glancing around the small classroom at the few people in there and we had a tiny moment of direct eye contact before he continued skimming the room. He did a quick double take back to me, then returned his attention to his notes. Throughout the rest of the class, when he’d glance around the room his gaze kept straying repeatedly to me – the only deliberate motion of his eyes during the ‘glance at the class’ move. I was watching him directly every time, but then, he was teaching. Where else am I supposed to look? I remember being very pleased by those looks.
After the class, I left. A few minutes later I saw him in the hallway. We stood there, just looking at each other but not saying anything. Perhaps 10 seconds? Not long, but enough. I could feel it, that energy of an inhale to say something which instead gets swallowed rather than expressed. Then we both turned and walked on as if by mutual decision.
I have no idea who he was or what that truly was about but it was a delicious moment that I replay from time to time. In my mind, even after all these years, he’s “my monk” and I wonder idly what could have been if either of us had had the nerve to say even a single word to the other.
Featured Image: from an Etsy seller called Mad Wolf Costumes making custom garb. This is their monk outfit.
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Uncategorized

Conversing Through Fear

Every major shift in consciousness sees a retraction afterward – like breathing in and out. The marvelous shift of the 60s was preceded by the hell of the 50s and 40s. 1969 was so tumultuous and chaotic there were those who feared the nation was on the verge of collapse – that divisiveness would destroy everything. Obviously that didn’t happen, but ’69 was the watershed year. And it heralded the beginning of the “sexual revolution” which is still ongoing, though it’s changed shape.

We’ve had not only a big shift in the gender roles our Western society dubs “normal” and “natural” but this is being compounded by a shift into One World Consciousness. That fear is running riot is actually very natural, especially among the lesser educated and those not secure in themselves and their position in the world. They fear being ground up in the shifting gears of what is going on globally, and it’s a valid fear.

It’s valid.

I can tell that the one world consciousness is a driving force of the fear because the focus is on immigration. Fear of being rendered obsolete. Fear of being unable to provide for myself and my family because the skills being asked aren’t something I can do – either by choice or circumstance. Circling the wagons is a perfectly rational response to this fear. Unfortunately, it also feeds the fear and – as Churchill I think said – then fear becomes the mind killer. The ability to think is lost, drowned under the weight of fear.

Hating the fear for their survival and well-being is hardly productive. This does nothing to address the fear, and most definitely does not re-engage the brain. When fear rules, you’re dealing with the human animal fighting for survival. Unfortunately, fear gives humanity permission to do some truly heinous things.

At the same time, when faced with fury (anger is a mask worn by fear) it’s truly difficult to maintain my own mind. This is where the Crucial Conversations course has done so much to help me see through the words and actions and look for the roots. Becoming defensive does not further the conversation.

Right now, neither the “liberals” nor the “conservatives” are even remotely interested in a conversation. That leaves it up to the rest of us who aren’t polarized into either camp to understand the fears and articulate them without the emotion or the judgement. Holy fuck the judgement. *groans*

Here’s what I know though. Children and victims look to blame others, while adults own their own shit. If I’m terrified that I will be made irrelevant by someone coming in who is hungrier and willing to work harder than I am … then I need to take serious stock of what I have at my disposal. There is not a single instance in the history of this world and human migrations where the incoming people are successfully shut out in the long term. Not even the Great Wall was successful! And with climates changing, there will be more population shifts.

Deny the cause until the cows come home, but the middle eastern deserts were reaching temperatures ABOVE 160 degrees F this summer past. That’s a typical migration prompt right there, especially if it looks like it will continue – and it does. A massive population shift is coming, and we know it on a collective unconscious level — and walls and border patrols won’t do crap in the long term. So have as many Crucial Conversations as you can and work to own your own shit while helping others to do the same if possible.

Fear is indeed the mind killer. Look past the fear. Work the problem. Find solutions.

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