So I have a chance to join a group. Finally. A real chance.
The question I’ve been given is: Why? Do I want to join a group?
I have my answers based on imagination, but I figured I’d ask those in my life who do ritual work every single month – my masonic friends. What do you like and don’t like about ritual?
Here are some of their answers, paraphrased:
Cons: Can’t pick who else is in the group, so just deal and move on. — Sometimes, the ritual just doesn’t work well, it’s an off day. That happens.
Pros: When it flows, and the energy of every person is added to the objective, it’s an amazing feeling. — Because the goal is to be a better person, when you step into ritual you bring with you what you hope is your best person. Everyone else does the same. This makes it easier to bring that ‘best of me’ into everyday life more frequently. — …
There were several more pros and they were all great, but one stood out to me.
This is a system that has been refined and worked with for centuries. They’ve figured it out by now and it wouldn’t have survived so long without having tangible results which fulfilled the objectives. Trust in the system and explore each step fully. Just because you know the material mentally doesn’t mean it’s sunk into the heart level of understanding yet. Progression takes more than knowing, it takes understanding.
And this one is something I’ve never thought of before. I’m an experimenter, a dabbler, a dilettante. And by taking this step, I’m committing to something with set steps, clear rules and lines to color inside of. Is that something I can do? Well, being able and be willing are two separate questions. I know from experience that if I have a system and stay with it, exploring that system earnestly, then results happen. Fact.
The analogy given to me was the difference between the inventor who has no clue about mechanics, and one who does. One will not be very effective, since they are attempting to re-invent the wheel … while the other will be able to build amazing things because they have a foundational knowledge that the other lacks.
So by committing to this route, I’m also saying “I want to be effective”. There is plenty to explore and experiment with on this path. It’s hardly like creativity and personalization is being squashed. As I hear in the writing world: “You have to know the rules of the language like a master, so you can break them like an artist.” In order to be truly insightful, truly effective, innovative, the rules have to be known backwards and forwards. The symbols need to be alive in my mind. Granted, the rules of spirituality and energy are pretty fluid but each system has its own set of rules, paradigms, foundational understanding of How The World Works. Buy into the system, any system, and apply myself earnestly. I know I can do that.
With all this mind, I realize that this concern is actually a mental excuse I’m using to deflect my attention from the real issue. The real question is: am I prepared to deal with success?
If I’m completely blunt, I’m terrified of loosing myself. I hear my mom’s voice telling me to be careful, that energy work is dangerous. And I know that I’ve lost myself multiple times, as I’ve written about before. It’s still a real fear and it’s what rises to the surface when I think about ‘prepared to deal with success.’ Am I secure enough in who I am now to handle those boundaries being seriously tested? This is energy work, and mental/spiritual boundaries are the bread and butter of it.
I’m re-reading Seth Speaks and I’m at the part where Seth is admonishing not to be afraid of loosing our self, our identity. The soul knows exactly who it is. I’ve lost myself I think about 3 times by this point in my life, usually years at a stretch. Do I trust myself yet? Do I trust that I have the strength to find my way out of the darkness? The fortitude to deal with whatever gets stirred up?
I feel like that moment in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where he has to “take a leap faith from the lion’s mouth”. He puts a foot out, closes his eyes while giving a prayer, and steps off into nothing… (It’s that moment in the movie which is my featured image for this post.) In this case, I’m not praying that the system will hold me up. I’m praying that the unseen support structures I’ve built up after every scenario of getting lost and re-finding myself will serve me well.
*chuckles* Now I hear the Skeksis shouting “Trial by Stone! Trial by Stone!”. Earth first, after all, Earth first (a reference to boundaries). I will never know until I take that leap from the lion’s mouth.